


England's Rant

by SoraMoto



Series: Breaking the Fourth Wall [3]
Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Angel England, Gen, Pirate England, blatant abuse of fourth wall
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-14
Updated: 2013-01-14
Packaged: 2017-11-25 10:32:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 625
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/637974
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SoraMoto/pseuds/SoraMoto
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Pirate England is not to happy about a few things he sees people doing.</p>
            </blockquote>





	England's Rant

England clad in his pirate garb walks into a spot light focused on a chair. He grabs the chair and turns it so the back is facing you then sits in it backwards so he is facing you as well. He crosses both arms over the back of the chair and levels a glare at you.

"Alright then lassie. I be here to straighten a few things out with ye in regards to how I be written. Be that as a pirate or any other era of myself as an adult. Scratch that we'll be covering my tender years as well, given most a ye seem to blather on about how sweet and innocent I was as a bloody brat.

Why don't we start off with me guns when you land lubbers portray me image from the golden age of piracy. Half the time I see these images and I'm holding a bloody revolver. I have to ask meself each time I see it if you scallawags even realize the revolver was not in existence during the time I was a pirate. It wasn't until the industrial revolution, centuries after the golden age, that revolvers began to develop. Before that we had single shot pistols that were better off being used as clubs. In fact after we fired or if the blasted thing misfired we generally would use it as a club. And while we're on the topic of firearms why don't we cover a little something I've seen when you land lubbers draw yeself a rifle. The butt of the damn thing should be fairly damn straight, but half the time I see it curved down like someone is going to be holding it with a single hand or a bloody hand gun. Honestly, for the love of god, learn to reference before ye draw something like that.

That bein' said there be the small matter of bottoming. Despite the similarities 'UK' is not an 'uke'. Get over it. Even moreso when I be a pirate. I was a great empire, even greater than Rome in me scoop. It was said the sun never set on the British Empire and they would have been right to say it. I ruled over China, India, Tiawan, Australia, all of North America, large portions of the Caribean and Africa. I crushed Spain beneath my boot and gave it to France so hard he couldn't sit for week. I spat in the face of Catholicism and created my own church just to spite them. I fought back Rome when I was nothing but a tyke and watched him walk away from me with his head hung in shame.

I have ancient magics flowing through me veins. Myth and legend combine to create a complex tapestry of me history. I am home to fire breathing dragons, sly fairies, trickster ghouls and many more fantastical beings. So stop writing me off as crazy or a bumbling buffoon that attempts magic tricks!"

Before the pirate can say more the light goes out and you hear scuffling and a few curse words as it seems there is a struggle going on in the darkened room. When the light comes back on it illuminates the entire space, revealed to be England's parlor, and reveals the pirate bound and gagged with Brittania Angel standing over him, tapping his foot. The angel turns to you."I am sorry if he has offended any of you." He looks back at the pirate once again. "Sometimes he just gets like this and can't control himself." He looks back to you. "But he's got a point about the whole bottoming thing." With that the angel grabs the pirate by his collar and hauls him out of the room

**Author's Note:**

> Does this require explanation? Probably, but I think its mostly in there. Though I should just say that this whole thing is me channeling my inner pirate and she demanded a rant on these things that have been bothering me. It started out as me just wanting to rant incessantly about people using revolvers in pirate fanart and well you see what happened there. If I offended I apologize. Want to rant back at me, feel free, a review is a review in my opinion.


End file.
